Last week was strange. I was extremely sad for something and
then I was happy for something. Then, I got confused whether I am sad because
something did not work out or I should feel happy that something else has
worked out, but then it was there that something major is still missing,
incompletely complete.. or extremely incomplete incompleteness.

Failure is something we never want to see in life, yet they
are unavoidable and you have to accept them. But a certain failures are
devastating. They question your ability to think and shatter your confidence
like anything; and when you fail to point out the actual reasons, you reach to
the conclusion that might be you were never capable of converting it into
success. This may or may not be true… but it appears to be true, at least at
that point of time.

Few people loose their faith easily. I belong to the
category. It’s easy to make me happy, but it’s easier to make me feel sad. But
that’s the way I am. And it hurts when I find that my way of thinking was not correct.
May be I was wrong thinking that life has no rules. Everything has to be done
in its own way; and I never liked this philosophy. Why we can’t have one lakh
ways of doing something, if one lakh people are trying to do it. But may be
life is not so versatile. It falls short of novelty, after sometime; and than
you have to follow all that that is termed as virtues.

I feel sad when something happens to me and due to which I
do not enjoy my carefree laughter, or, when I do not feel like talking insanely,
or, when I feel like keeping myself closed in my room, or, I do not do anything
that is so much specific to me. Because then I do not remain myself… I get
converted into someone else… and this conversion is suffocating. Why does GOD
always test people, who are so inapt for tests? People who are emotionally
weak, who can not handle many things in life, why are they made to face some
difficult times. There are thousands of human beings who are mentally tough and
determinate enough to deal with the formidability of the highest order. They
take up challenges with enthusiasm and prove themselves every time and anytime
you want. Doesn’t GOD feel satisfy with those great people, for he wants others
to be equally great and hence put them into circumstances, they never want to live

I don’t know if I sound timid, fragile or even a pessimist.
Why do we want everyone to be determinate, tough and great? Can’t society
handle some not-so-great-but-good people? After all, if all of us have to do
something ‘big’ in life – a single biggest achievement – then who is going to
give lakhs of small sacrifices that go unnoticed in the glare of that big
achievement. Who in this world can claim to be self-made? Who can overrule the
small contributions made to his or her life by the people, who just came and
went, but gave us something that we still treasure as a lesson of life, though
we never felt thankful about it.